My parents raised me in an environment that was always protected from the elements – that is a roof over our heads. They kept me clean, comfortable, warm in the winter and had always food on the table 3-squares a day. I felt loved the manner to which their communication was done but it is only half the story. More often than not, they were loud-yelling, abusive and hurtful. I believe that as a result of this, I suppressed anger and it came out very early on in how I treated people literally pushing my sister down the stairs on her bike. Fortunately, she was not hurt badly. I also remember bullying some fellow classmates in grade school. And once in high school, literally picked a fellow classmate up threw him to the ground and began kicking him. I was a domestic abuser from very early on in my life once battering a teenage girlfriend face into a bloody mess.
Married at 30 I began verbally abusive in the relationship, being controlling and physically abusive towards my then wife Laura for all the 17 years of marriage. Culminating into an angry rage against my own children who I was always verbally and physically abusive toward as well. One day I went into a raging abusive rant on them for a t-shirt lying in the yard. My oldest Son Beau called the police and once again the police arrived at our home for a domestic violence incident. This incident set into motion a series of events that include you getting this synopsis from me. Laura filed a divorce case which was finalized in 2007.
I began seeing a new girlfriend in 2008-who became pregnant that year. I still was controlling and verbally abusive to Kerry many times. I also went back to college that year. I took a major in Family Life Education at Spring Arbor Christian University. As a requirement for graduation, I needed to research, write and put together a family wellness good health program. I chose domestic violence to build my program around. I titled the program Talk Love Out Loud. It was good enough to earn that elusive stroke-impaired brain-damage bachelor’s degree. I began using the very principles I wrote about in my Talk Love Out Loud family communication wellness program. I was angry outburst-free for an entire year while with Kerry, mother of our son Jonathan-David “Johnny”. I decided to write a book about my experience of being a domestic abuser for most of my life. Talk Love Out Loud helped me overcome being violent with angry outburst towards people I really did love. It’s become my passion now to help family’s particularly men to not use corporal punishment on their precious children and certainly not against the woman-mother of his children. I submerged myself into this whole “spare the rod” corporal punishment parenting style and have uncovered the truth sparing the “rod” can cause serious brain development issues leaving the victim with a cascade of lifetime health issues; the adverse childhood experience study is just one of many research outcomes proving the detrimental possibilities corporal punishment – “pain”. The developing child with the experience of pain and hurt will lead to unhealthy life outcomes such as addiction’s aversive coping with life skills that are mostly mal-adaptive. Talk Love Out Loud parenting family communication style resist using pain, shame, hurting feelings and instead uses a gentle touch-tone emotionally mature manner in which to raise your children. It’s well past the time after centuries-“generations of using corporal punishment – “the rod” to mold behavior. And in place of the hurt=pain use a gentle tender touch with loving respect for the integrity dignity of your child and your “relationship to them we can be the change that stops putting hurt into our developing children and instead put dignified loving mutual respect inside them we could change the world I believe in 5 short years just by not putting pain-hurt into our children when parenting and doing family communication.
“Corporal punishment as a parenting style. Does it work? Will it work for you? What are the alternatives?.in the short term “punishment gets results. We all heard the proverb “spare the rod spoil the child”. most of us have seen or applied this method of parenting, and few would deny its effectiveness opinion varies to its effectiveness over the longer term; Psychologist now theorizes corporal punishment can create problems such as,
(1) aversive childhood experiences
(2) obsessive-compulsive disorder
(4) domestic violence; since these are not outcomes we would desire in our offspring. Many are seeking alternative approaches to child-rearing. There are many theories and recommendation. Some have stood the test of time to some extent others fail completely
More about Talk Out Love
Author Danny Kramer recounts his experiences from childhood to parenting and introduces “Talk Love Out Loud. In his work, in a way that will help young parents to discover for themselves the positive techniques. If you are a parent, or soon to be a parent, you owe it to yourself and your children to read and explore the healthy alternative to corporal punishment. Mr. Kramer is pleased to offer you one such alternative.
Talk Love Out Loud
By Danny L. Kramer Jr
Genre: Family Relationships
Paperback: 262 pages
Publisher: Xulon Press